Baby Boomers With Undiagnosed ADD: You Have Baggage

So you were born in the late-40s to the early 60s. Your parents remembered the Depression and World War II. They worked hard to give you things they never had. As their child, you heard plenty about those hard times for our nation. As an adult, what you may not have heard about are some of the behavioral health breakthroughs made in the past forty years.

I am referring to the wealth of knowledge in the fields of learning and attention differences which has been gained since we were youngsters. Maybe your child or grandchild has one of these diagnoses. Maybe you are wondering about yourself, or maybe you are in denial. But one thing is for sure: If you have a learning or attention disorder, or both, or one combined with something else, you have Baggage.

To get started, ask yourself: Is your life hard? Are you struggling financially after over 30 years of work? Have you changed jobs frequently? Been laid off? How many times did you change your major in college? Maybe you never made it through high school or college because school didn’t fit your personality. Do you struggle with substance abuse? Have you achieved your goals in life? Maybe you have material “success” but remain unhappy due to trouble with jobs or relationships.

There are many reasons anyone could end up achieving less than we are capable of. But research is showing that millions of people in the US, including many baby boomers, have undiagnosed learning and/or attention disorders. If you find out you are one of these people, then you can begin to look at your life through a new lens.

What’s behind our under achievement? For many, it’s not intelligence. Regardless of how smart we are, we were born with weak neurological systems for important skills such as focusing, reading, organization, and even people skills like understanding facial expressions and body language. Some of us don’t understand things we hear quickly; others can’t pull information out of our brains fast enough to hold normal conversations.

The list of possible difficulties is long. Whatever the specifics are for any of us, we all share in having low self esteem, or what I call self unsteem. Why bring this up now? It doesn’t matter. We’re adults. We’re doing our best. We don’t need to dwell on the past.

Wrong. If we don’t come to terms with the reasons behind our self unsteem, then we are stuck forever with inaccurate beliefs about our own worth. I can attest to this because I’ve made immeasurable leaps in self esteem since I found out about my learning and attention issues and started working on them. My original reaction was relief to learn about and understand why things were always so hard. Then, even though I had the awareness and was able to use medication effectively for focusing, I hit a plateau in meaningful growth which lasted more than 10 years.

In the past year I entered another growth spurt and have finally “unpacked” my own baggage. After a crisis last fall, I got some help from a cognitive behavioral therapist and am now feeling like a new person. I would love to share with you some of the tricks I’ve learned along the way for getting rid of self unsteem.

1. Understand Yourself. Read the major researchers and writers (some are listed at the end of this article) so you can explain your situation clearly to a doctor. Know that psychologists are for talk therapy and psychiatrists prescribe medications. Think about your life in terms of the new perspective you are learning about. Forgive yourself. Review your childhood, school, jobs, relationships, children, hobbies, etc. You will have dozens of “a-ha” moments. After 16 years, I am still recalling events from the past and, for the first time, seeing them as part of a pattern.

2. Open Up. Surround yourself with people you trust, people who support you and draw you out, people who know what it’s like to discover such news about themselves. Actively stay away from people who criticize you and bring you down. You might find an ADD group, or you might find just one friend who understands you. Make time for this step; sharing the disappointments and shame built up over your life is important. Force yourself to believe compliments you get from people who know you well. At least admit they might be right. This Step 2 is one I didn’t pursue until about a year ago, and it’s made a big difference for me.

3. Follow Your Heart. Find time to do things you enjoy. Chances are you are creative and excel in one or more of the arts or sports. In the process of doing what you like you will connect with others who share your interests. I work part-time in a school with children who have language disabilities, and I tutor at home. I also enjoy volunteering with the children’s chorus at my school. If you follow your heart you can end up with a snowball effect of positivity. For example, because of my work, I’ve met some genuine, talented, and dedicated people. I also bought a used keyboard and am teaching myself to play piano again. You never know where things will lead.

4. Exercise. When you work out, your body releases chemicals that make you feel better. You can do anything from walking, to taking the stairs in your apartment building, to joining a gym. I am hooked on a cardio program called Zumba at my local YMCA. I also like to bike ride, walk the dog, and swim when I can.

5. Get Spiritual. Pray or meditate to give balance to your crazy-busy life. Downtime is a necessity for us, not a luxury. Remove yourself from electronics and other people for a few minutes each day. Praise the higher being you believe in. Reflect, put your day into perspective, plan. This step is also new for me. Several months back I visited local churches until I found a parish where the people and rectors are full of life and love. Reconciling with God after more than 30 years gave me peace and confidence. Getting God back into my life has been enriching and fulfilling. It’s a habit I plan to keep.

6. Help Others. By getting outside yourself and focusing on other people, you are also helping yourself. People with attention differences tend to be unusually compassionate. When you consider that people all deserve a fair chance at happiness, and you work for a higher purpose, or greater good, it keeps your own issues in perspective.

My final recommendation to anyone just starting out on the path to discovering their true self is to take the long view and move through the process at a steady pace. Recognize that you’re dealing with a lifetime of experiences and strong emotions. Try to take your time, but don’t plateau for over a decade like I did. You will need stamina and courage to work through the negativity you feel about yourself right now. But you can be successful if you keep at it, and I assure you the effort will bring you true confidence and self esteem. These are two powerful personality traits that everyone deserves.

“Truths and roses have thorns about them.” --Henry David Thoreau

“It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all. And often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true.” -- William James